Two Become One

My son:

Mom, there’s a new season that just came out in my game and I really want to buy some of the items. Can I spend $10 on it?

My wife:

I think so, but check with Dad.

My son:

But aren’t you two, like… one?

I’ll give him credit. He’s got the concept of marriage down, but not necessarily the approval process for spending money on video games.

This is the beautiful thing about marriage; two become one. Sure, you continue to occupy the same physical body you had before you were married, but spiritually you’ve merged your life with your best friend. Huge level up. 

In the first chapter of Genesis, we see God creating our world - the waters, the earth, the sky, the plants, the creatures - and after each day, He wraps it up by stepping back, cracking his knuckles, observing his handiwork and calling it good. 

Genesis 1:31 // Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good…

Then we get to Genesis chapter 2, and we see that God has created Adam and placed him alone in the garden of Eden. Something was off though, because this is the first time we hear God say “Hmm, that’s not good.”

Genesis 2:18 // And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone…

Now, we know that Adam must have been a talented lad because he was naming all of the animals and tending the garden. He was probably even quite self-sufficient. I mean, his dad was literally Father God. But even with all of that going for him, he wasn’t complete. He wasn’t balanced. Creation wasn’t balanced. Until, He created woman. 

It’s like only having a left shoe. I guess you could get somewhere, hopping along on one foot all day, but it’s much better when you pair it up with a right shoe. It’s like you have a New Balance… 👀

Man and woman are made to go together. The master of creation, God, designed it that way. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Designed for each other. This is the good life.

Genesis 2:24 // Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

My wife, Ellen, and I have been married for 17 years. Before getting married I was pretty consumed with my own world. Sure, I was in church and reading the Word and knew truths like “it’s more blessed to give than to receive” but, aside from some pretty meager birthday and Christmas presents, I had very little practice thinking about what other humans needed or wanted. I mean, we’re talking 90-95% of my thought life was focused on me.

When I got married it was like Ellen’s voice suddenly started showing up in my thought life. I’d find myself filtering decisions, big and small, through how it would impact her. I suddenly had a desire to work hard and succeed to make her life enjoyable, and not just my own. I think this why God said, “It’s not good that man should be alone.” When left to live solitary lives, the world starts to revolve around us, which is off balance. We’re designed to do life as a team. The beauty of His tapestry is only seen when the individual threads are woven together.

Side note to all you single folk out there, this applies to you as well. Even if you’re not married, it’s still not good to live in isolation for long periods of time. When you find your people, a community, a church family to do life with, the same healthy perspective, encouragement, and building up happens.

Matthew 5:20 // For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.

Another phenomenon I started to experience when I married Ellen is I could see new dimensions. That’s right; I gained a super power.

Have you ever used 3D glasses? I’m not talking about the polarized ones you might get at an IMAX 3D movie or those fancy shutter glasses. I’m talking about the ones with the cardboard-frame and the red and cyan tinted lenses that instantly make you look like a robot. When you put them on they enable you to see certain images and video that may be physically displaying on a flat 2D plane as if they’re jumping out at you in 3D.

That’s what it’s like being married. You start to see the world in a whole new dimension. Being married to Ellen, it’s like seeing the world through both of our eyes. It’s no longer just my single vantage point but, being one with her, I now see everything from two angles. I see new layers now; new possibilities.

For example, a tough conversation would happen at work and, rather than getting steam-rolled, I’d see a way to hold strong to my convictions and stand up for myself. Or when we joined a church and got involved in the youth program, I didn’t just hide behind the keys on the worship team, but I saw a path where I could help teach the students and became a voice speaking life into that generation. These were possibilities that came from Ellen’s side of my 3D glasses. Her red lens (because my favorite color is blue) sees opportunities to lead and take dominion for the Kingdom of God. She is wired to establish order, to shape environments, to call people higher. These were qualities and perspectives I lacked before marrying her, and now I wasn’t just noticing those paths, I was walking in them.

Hebrews 10:24-25 // And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.

When we meet together and assemble, we stir up love and good works in on another. When you marry, you draw out the best in each other and your perspectives on life merge. Everywhere you go, everyone you interact with is now experiencing the both of you. You’ve gained the ability to see a new dimension of the world around you. 

Whether you’re newlywed or have decades of marriage experience, tell your spouse how grateful you are for them today. Tell them how becoming one with them has made you better and given you a new perspective on life. Tell them how they’ve leveled you up. 

(And for those looking for closure, yes, I did end up approving my son to spend that $10)

New Single: Boybot 2.0

What!? Another single!? Yep. The trusty crew here at Kyle's Basement Productions Inc. have been working tirelessly to keep the tracks armed and the record button hot. This month's release is entitled: BoyBoy 2.0 and, as usual, it's available on a streaming platform near you:

Boybot 2.0 on Spotify
Boybot 2.0 on Apply Music
Boybot 2.0 on YouTube

Boybot 2.0 on Amazon

This song hits a little more close to home. As a dad, I want to be absolutely perfect for my children. They deserve a father that is always there for them, doesn't make mistakes, and demonstrates his love for them, in all circumstances. The reality is, I'm far from perfection. No matter how hard I try, I'm still bound to have a few glitches from time to time. I may not be able to be everything for my 2.0 versions, but I can always be improving. And I can introduce them to what real perfection looks like, in our Heavenly Father.

If you like the song, give it a share, follow, like, subscribe, comment, whatever suits your fancy.

Boybot 2.0 Lyrics

From my own mainframe and servos 
Has come a design 2.0 
Boybot is fully operational 
But what kind of prototype am I

Deep in my code I know what’s right 
I’ve debugged it a thousand times
Not a single line with errors or faults
And yet my execute command still fails

How can my programming be flawless
and my power supply adequate
memory and modules in tact
but still I glitch from time to time 

Boybot, I am not a sufficient prototype
Boybot, I will reboot repeatedly
And sometimes it feels like infinite loops
but I will always troubleshoot

You’re everything I am and more
Take what you can and augment
Transfer, upload, take all my files
You are so much more than binary 

New Single: Battle Sword

I released a new single earlier this month called Battle Sword. It's available now on all music streaming platforms:

Battle Sword on Spotify
Battle Sword on Apple Music
Battle Sword on YouTube
Battle Sword on CD Baby
Battle Sword on Amazon

I wrote this song inspired by the people I cross paths with that are legit rock stars. I mean they have talent coming out of their ears and everything they so much as sneeze on turns to gold. As I get to know them more though, it seems they're searching for more in life. It's as if being great only gets them so far and there's a hollowness to each day being just like the one before. The monotony of routine has imprisoned and isolated the warrior. To be honest, my heart burns inside whenever I'm around them knowing all the potential they have coursing through their veins. It moves me to encourage them, speak life, pray, and, well, write this song.

I received a few requests for the lyrics so I figured I'd post them here. From a composition standpoint, the verses are spoken by a narrator, the chorus is the main character, and the bridge is Jesus.

If you like it, give me a share, follow, like, subscribe, comment, whatever suits your fancy.

Battle Sword Lyrics

There he was, running full tilt, sword drawn from it’s hilt

Dungeon crawlin, monster brawlin'

He’s well oiled machine, yeah he took down the queen, 

Ripped off her wings, now he’s after the king

Yeah he fights like a Valkyrie, crash off the balcony, 

Crush all the enemies, one man calvary

Wave after wave, it’s like he was made

to destroy, light it up, bring em down, every pound

Here comes the

Jab, slash, counter, freeze

Leg sweep at the knees

Beat down therapy 

Yeah he’s fightin' fire with fire, 

Trappin’ and droppin' the wire, 

Modified rarest attire, 

Climbing up higher and higher

But he is hitting the cap, 

The grind is holding him back, 

He can’t sustain this attack

Using up all his health packs 

And he’s looking for the one thing that’ll keep him coming back

And he doesn’t even notice all the people got his back

Past is chained around his leg and leaving trails in the dust

And the foes he felled back then can track him like a wounded buck

Gimme...

Somethin’ I can hold on to

Somethin’ to make me fight longer

Don’t let this day be

just like yesterday

I’ve battled and I’ve conquered

I just don’t know what I fight for

I can’t wait to finally find when 

I get off this stranded island

So he stood there frozen in time like a mime

Locked in thought, couldn’t stop, questioning his everything 

Repeatedly rehashing all the tragedy that’s coursing through his veins 

The destruction he survived 

The behemoth he denied 

All the allies that have died

When the battle shifted tide

He better snap to, break through, this day dream, he’s fading, reality escaping

All the while, all around

hordes are closing in, mobs are forming out-

side the door, he can’t take it anymore

With a gasp, now he’s back, trace his tracks, face the facts, 

Out numbered, cornered in, low mana, armor running thin

Toss out his last grenade

Set up the barricade

This time there’s no escape 

Goin toe-to-toe with fate

Somethings gotta give

I’m not going out like this 

I’m gunna burn it to the ground 

I’m gunna bring it all down

I refuse to lose, I refuse to lose

So I'm gunna light this fuse

Gimme Somethin’ I can hold on to

Somethin’ to make me fight longer

Don’t let this day be

just like yesterday

I want…

Somethin’ I can hold on to

Somethin’ to make me fight longer

Don’t let this day be

just like yesterday, yeah

I’ve battled and I’ve conquered

I just don’t know what I fight for

I can’t wait to finally find when 

I get off this stranded island

BRIDGE

I’ve chiseled warriors out of iron

I’ve hewn glory from the fire

You my friend are Excalibur

A relic of your past

There’s no equal in balance and precision

But here you lie dormant

Reliving every day, sealed in this rock fate

Knights from near and far travel across your path

Everyone is the same, they all bring their strength 

but here you remain, impossibly secure, longing desperately for a change 

But I can draw you out

Yeah I’m the one you’re waiting for

I come bearing hope

Your days of longing have come to an end

If you want to worry, I only require this one thing...

Give me your heart

Give me your heart

Give me your hand 

Give me your hand 

You will see just how good I am

I will show you the promised land

Gimme Somethin’ I can hold on to

Somethin’ to make me fight longer

Don’t let this day be

just like yesterday

I want…

Somethin’ I can hold on to

Somethin’ to make me fight longer

Don’t let this day be

just like yesterday, yeah

I’ve battled and I’ve conquered

I just don’t know what I fight for

I can’t wait to finally find when 

I get off this stranded island

Next Gen Church

If there's one thing to lose sleep over with all of the crazy going on in world, it's the fact that our future lies in the hands of Millennials.

Just making jest. I actually like Millennials a lot. I happen to be one, depending on what generational timetable you subscribe to. Here's one I tracked down for reference.

Generation Name	Births Start	Births End	Youngest Age Today*	Oldest Age Today*
The Lost Generation The Generation of 1914	1890	1915	103	128
The Interbellum Generation	1901	1913	105	117
The Greatest Generation	1910	1924	94	108
The Silent Generation	1925	1945	73	93
Baby Boomer Generation	1946	1964	54	72
Generation X (Baby Bust)	1965	1979	39	53
Xennials	1975	1985	33	43
Millennials Generation Y, Gen Next	1980	1994	24	38
iGen / Gen Z	1995	2012	6	23
Gen Alpha	2013	2025	1	5

To be honest, I wasn't always fond of Millennials. I used to think “What a bunch of lazy, bean bag, Instagrammers…” and then I went to work and was like, “Man, I want to work less, have more freedom to do what I want...  maybe I can build a career off my social media presence or something? Heck, I'd love to work from a beanbag.” My paradigm has recently taken a hard left when it comes to the value system this generation holds.

Someone sent me a link to an article talking about how Millennials will be the next CEOs, and it proceeded to walk through what that could mean for the culture of our companies in the not-so-distant future.

This got me thinking. What do Millennials, and the other generations to come, mean for future of the church?

Companies invest top dollar in market research and understanding the trends in order to stay relevant. As a gamer, I follow the gaming industry like a hawk on the prowl. I constantly have my eye on the hottest upcoming games, what each publisher is working on, and what the big three - Sony, Microsoft, and Nintendo - are up to. And, lemme tell you, they're up to some sweet sauce. There are a few titles I'm itching to get my hands on (Anthem, anyone?), not to mention the buzz starting to stir around yet another generation of consoles (Scarlett, PS5...).

You see, these companies - Sony, Microsoft, Nintendo - have to be on the cutting edge of what the market wants if they want to stay relevant. One wrong step and they'll go the way of Atari.

I believe the church has to think the same way. How do we stay relevant to future generations?

What's our Next Gen Strategy?

I just happen to also be a "strategy nerd," so I know, in order to answer that question, we must start with better understanding the next generation.

The Millennials grew up in a time when:

• Almost every home (except 3rd world countries) had an internet connection and a computer
• 2008, the largest economic decline since the great depression
• 911 Terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon
• The invasion and occupation of Iraq
• Enron - energy trading scams and corporate fraud on a national level
• Higher belief in global warming due to unusually severe storms, hotter weather, colder weather, more droughts etc.
• Conversations evolving around weapons of mass destruction
• The explosive growth in online companies such as Google, Facebook, LinkedIn, eBay, PayPal
• A revolution in the way we work, including widespread acceptance of flex-time, work from home, freelancing
• The US is divided 50:50 with different and opposite fundamental beliefs and values
• Way too many crazy people are shooting their fellow Americans
• Turmoil with Congress
• Housing prices growing beyond most young people's reach

iGen'ers are:

• Much more tolerant of others - different genders, cultures, sexual orientations, races
• Less likely to go to church
• More likely to think for themselves and not believe authority figures in church or government
• Delaying having serious romantic relationships
• Less time spent in shopping malls
• Less likely to go out to see a movie
• More likely to use Instagram than Facebook
• Less "in person" and "face to face" contact with others due to more time connecting via smart phones
• Less reading of books, and newspapers
• May stay up till 2 AM using smart phone and social media
• Possibly more depressed than prior generations
• Feeling more lonely, and not needed
• Possibly a higher suicide rate
• 100% of them know how to do "the floss"

Fascinating, isn't it? Tomorrow's world could will look very different.

After much pondering, I came up with 7 ways that I think the church can adapt to stay relevant to these upcoming generations. 

#1: BRING CHURCH TO THEM 

Unless we drastically change the look and feel of church, which, to be fair, some churches are actually pulling off, I don't think we're going to make much progress getting Next Gen into pews. We must bring church to them. I believe they're hungry for authenticity, therefore we should shift our strategy from introducing them to religion and to shining so bright and behaving so counter cultural, like Jesus did, that they can't help but notice and become curious. It's time for the church to leave the building.

My hypothesis is that, with Next Gen growing more tolerant of all kinds of diversity, Christianity will become another diversity factor to them, which is actually good news to us, because we've had a bad rap for a while. We just have to be authentic about our relationship with Jesus or they'll see right through us and turn running. And rightfully so.

# 2: LISTEN MORE, TALK LESS 

As much as we are tempted to "tell it like it is" when we hear someone going on a tirade on the latest controversial issue, we must exercise restraint. These are not times to prove our wit but rather invitations to get curious and show love where they may be confusion. God made us with two ears and one mouth for a reason. 

#3: LEAN IN TO OUR DIFFERENCES 

There are 7.4 billion people and climbing on our planet and our isolated personal worlds are continually shrinking. Surface-level (e.g. race, age, gender) and non surface-level differences (e.g. religion, sexual orientation, personality) are being thrust into the spotlight and if you don't yet have an outward position on them, you're about to find out what your subconscious thinks.

Next Gen is growing up in a multicultural norm. My practical advice to you is: find someone different than you and engage in a conversation. I guarantee they'll immediately become more human to you and you'll realize you have so much in common. This simple act will flush out biases you didn't even know you had.

I also have to callout women in particular. It's a shame the church is behind society on this one. We cannot stand to make any significant progress in spreading the gospel of Christ throughout the world without recognizing and empowering half of it. Guys, when’s the last time you received some advice from a woman and accepted it?

#4: GIVE THEM A REASON TO LIVE 

This one gets me particularly worked up. There's a tragic trend of mental health issues and suicide prevalent in Next Gen that we need to attack head on. They are desperate for purpose and that's exactly what Jesus offers. If we can introduce these lost and lonely children of God to their loving father, I'm convinced they'll find hope once again. 

Spreading the light to these people doesn't have to be complicated. A simple compliment - "I like your shoes" - could be the glimmer of life that saves someone's life. Statistically, about 1 out of 3 people you cross paths with in your day have or are contemplating taking their own life so, if you're thinking something positive, SAY IT.

Proverbs 18:21 // Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. 

#5: GET CREATIVE AND ADAPT

We must embrace creativity and innovation in order to keep the church relevant. Different fish require different types of bait, and Millennials are definitely a different breed than your super-traditional crowd. I believe the church should have the most creative minds on the planet. After all, we were made in the Creator's image.

This is why I wrote the book Nerdvotional. I have a heart for nerds, or people who may be isolated, lonely, or feel super different than the cool crowd. Being one of these people myself, I know how the Good News has transformed my life and that walking with Jesus is the ultimate adventure. Nerdvotional is my attempt at getting some light into the dark basements and corners of the world. 

Matthew 9:14-17 // Then the disciples of John came to Him, saying, “Why do we and the Pharisees fast often, but Your disciples do not fast?” And Jesus said to them, “Can the friends of the bridegroom mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? But the days will come when the bridegroom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast. No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment; for the patch pulls away from the garment, and the tear is made worse. Nor do they put new wine into old wineskins, or else the wineskins break, the wine is spilled, and the wineskins are ruined. But they put new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.”

#6: HAVE SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGES 

It seems the church has lost with trying to convince the world that homosexuality is wrong. I'm not saying it isn't unbiblical and that it doesn't break my heart when I see people I love looking for acceptance and covenant with someone who can't fully fulfill it. I'm just saying that the church has been trying to win this as an argument of logic and theology and I think we've lost that battle. 

I think we have a more foundational problem as Christians and in the church that we need to start with: our marriages. Our divorce rate within the church isn't any better than those who are not Christians. How are we going stand for the benefits of heterosexual marriage when we aren't even keeping those covenants ourselves. I think if we SHOW the world what true healthy, life-long, marriages are like, they'll be more interested in listening to our theology.

#7: DELIVER ON THE PROMISES THE BIBLE MAKES 

Last one. Next Gen is caring less about religion and finding purpose elsewhere but we can show them a validated gospel where other sources can’t deliver. I'm talking about praying for breakthrough in their lives, healing, miracles, showing them an alive, loving, and active God. 

In Matthew 14 we hear the story of how Jesus fed the multitudes (more than five thousand) with five loaves of bread and two fish. But it wasn't Jesus who handed it out; it was his disciples. Jesus blessed the food and handed it over to his people to deliver. Jesus puts the miracles in our hands to deliver. This is our role in the gospel. This is our Great Commission (Mark 16), that we would go into all the world, preach the gospel, and that these signs and wonders would follow as we do.

LAST THING

To the older generations, you have wisdom to share. Have patience enough to actually listen to what Next Gen has to say so you can have credibility when you need to drop your wisdom bombs on them.

To the younger generations, Next Gen, you’re insanely smart and resourceful, but you don’t know everything. Remember this. You still have much to learn. Be willing to listen to your elders once in a while. They've seen a few things and can help you avoid the pitfalls you're headed towards.

It's an exciting time to be a Christ follower. A new day is dawning. And the church won't look like it did yesterday, but it can be more brilliant than ever before if we learn and grow together.

Who I Am

I've been making some decent progress on my bucket list lately. The book I've been working on for the past year and half, Nerdvotional, is finally published, so I'm officially an Author... always wanted to say that. I kind of imagined there'd be more cardigan wearing and prolonged moments of contemplation with a steaming coffee in my hand, but it still feels AMAZING.

Side note: we're doing a Nerdvotional release party, and you're invited!

Turns out, there's a few steps involved in publishing a book. I think I read the thing over a dozen times, cover to cover. The good news is, I couldn't be happier with how it turned out. And I'm even more excited to see where it goes from here. I wrote it out of a mix of inspiration and pain from the loss of my good friend so it's always a little vulnerable to just put something out there that you poured your heart into for the general public to scrutinize. My hope and prayer is that it goes places other books couldn't, meets people right where they're at, and then gives them a big awkward bear hug.

Another bucket list item I made progress on recently is Glory Labs. This one is a little less tangible than a book but it's something I've been dreaming about for a long time. I've always wanted a means to share and collaborate on all of the creative ideas that churn around in my noggin, and I think there are other creatives out there in the world with the same predicament. It bugs me that there are artists stuck in business casual with no easy outlet for their passions and the things that give them energy so that's where Glory Labs came from. And it wasn't just me thinking of it. Glory Labs is the co-brainchild of myself and my amazing wife, Ellen, and we've been so blessed to have our close friends, Zack and Christina Smith, join us to launch it off this year. Each of our team members are creative engines, capable of world-shaping ideas in and of themselves.

One of the things we've started doing at Glory Labs is monthly Challenges, where we present a theme to the community and see what creative works people can come up with by the end of the month. This month's theme is "Who I Am", and this blog is actually my submission for the challenge. This is one of the ways I share "Who I Am" with the world.

There's something about the creative process that I find addicting. Whether I'm inventing new sounds for a Dr4gon Dr0p track, coming up with new analogies to convey my points, or even messing around in PowerPoint to tell a story with slides, I just love it. Few other activities connect me to my Maker stronger than that process. I think that's just how He wired me.

These projects and creative outlets are representations of who I am. I'm not sure where they'll take me next, but that's half the fun.

The Power of Words

You have a superpower. In case you didn't know. It's probably one of the most powerful forces known to man. And it's hiding in your mouth.

Have you ever heard of Daniel Kish? He's been on a whole slew of shows and documentaries for his remarkable ability. Here's a video of Daniel talking about it on the TED stage.

Remarkable right? A blind human that can effectively echolocate like a bat.

But what stands out to me about his story is not necessarily his ability but how he acquired it. Daniel had remarkable parents. They never limited him in what they allowed him to do and how they spoke about him. If he wanted to climb a tree, they let him climb a tree, and fall out of it like every other child does. He wasn't told being blind was a limitation and therefore he never behaved like it was, thus unlocking new abilities and possibilities that other blind people never discover.

"They [Daniel's parents] understood that ignorance and fear were but matters of the mind and the mind is adaptable. They believed that I should grow up to enjoy the same freedoms and responsibilities as everyone else... They put my freedom first before all else because that is what love does.” - Daniel Kish

They helped a blind man see by the power of encouragement.

"It's impressions about blindness that are far more threatening to blind people than the blindness itself." - Daniel Kish

You have that same power. You can speak things into existence.

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21

Take a look at how powerful God's words are:

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night. So the evening and the morning were the first day." -Genesis 1:1-5 (NKJV)

Did you catch that? How did God create light? By speaking the words "Let there be light". If you're familiar with the rest of Genesis, he goes on to create the land, sea, stars, and all the creatures that same way. God's words formed our reality. What we know to be physical existence came from words spoken in the spiritual. Deep.

When God speaks, life happens. And it is good. 

Let's fast forward a little bit in that same chapter...

"So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." - Genesis 1:27 (NKJV)

If God made us just like him, then our words can do the same thing. That means we can speak realities into existence. Whoa.

"But God was speaking from a spiritual realm." you retort. Very astute of you. You've been listening well.

"For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus." -Ephesians 2:6 (NLT)

There you have it. We too speak from a spiritual place because we are raised from dead along with Jesus and seated in heavenly realms. Your words come from heavenly realms. Pretty sweet if you ask me.

It may sound crazy, but think about it. Have you ever met someone who has been verbally abused? You can physically see the tole that words have taken on their body. Their whole demeanor reflects the damage. They may be slumped over, have bags under their eyes, arms crossed, and in a defeated posture. Or on the flip side perhaps you've seen someone who's been consistently encouraged. They walk confidently with their chin up, have a glowing smile on their face, and a certain brightness to their eyes.

Just like Daniel Kish's parents, we have the power to change the trajectory of peoples' lives just with how we speak about them.

There's power infused in the words that you use. 

Let's ask Science what it thinks about all this, shall we?

A German Philosopher from the mid-nineteenth century named Lazarus Geiger studied a culturally isolated tribe. He showed them colors side-by-side, and found that they had not yet made words for green or blue. It was only when Geiger showed them the colors green and blue together and gave them a word for blue that they were finally able to distinguish them. It was as if the couldn't see these colors until they had a word for them.

This is a concept called "linguistic relativity". Basically, words and language have an effect on how we think about and see the world around us. You probably think in English, right? The act of naming and describing things brings definition where previously there was none.

For example, when I see someone's hair I think "they have brown hair". When my wife, a trained hair stylist, sees someone's hair she thinks "They must color their hair with level 5 brown, have damaged roots, and could use a reconditioner to bring back their highlights." Totally made that up. She and every other hairstylist are probably laughing their butts off right now.

My point is, until you have language to describe something, you don't see it the way others might. Until you tell someone what you see in them, they might not ever realize the possibility exists for their future.

Are you convinced yet that you have a superpower?

You may have heard this saying growing up: "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." We used this phrase to show how tough we were when the name calling started but it's a big fat lie. Words can hurt, and on a deeper level than a flesh wound.

This whole topic of "The Power of Words" is actually from a message I gave a Freedom Church last Sunday. During service I asked our Usher to pass out some stones that I had collected from the magical land of my front yard. Then, in a daring move with everyone holding rocks, I described how "stoning" is a form of capital punishment still practiced in some areas of the world today whereby a group throws stones at a person until they die. The reason this form of punishment was chosen was because no one individual among the group could be identified as the one who kills the subject.

This is the danger of an errant tongue. It's easy to throw out an insult when among the safety of a group but we never know how much damage it is causing. Some people go through life taking blow after blow from words being slung at them but it just takes one to speak life and encouragement to start reversing the effects (see Jesus speaking to the woman caught in adultery in John 8).

"Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." -Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)

In service, I told everyone to consider the weight of the stone - how it could be used to inflict harm or used to build up - and how that relates to their words.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can save or kill me.

My parents always told me "If you don't have something nice to say then don't say anything." Words of wisdom for sure. I believe the inverse is equally as important.

If you have something nice to say, SAY IT!  

For the love of donuts don't hold it in. There's not enough compliments in this world. You never know what that word of encouragement could turn into. It's like a seed planted and invested in someone else's life.

I'll conclude with this. Words are the result of what's going on inside.

"A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." -Luke 6:45 NKJV

We must first win the battles taking place inside our minds, take captive the lies placed there by the enemy, and only let the good ones formulate into words. 

"...casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ" -2 Corinthians 10:5 (NKJV)

Our ultimate goal should be that our thoughts match those of Jesus and that we view people and the world using the same words, the same definitions, the same heart he does.

"…But we have the mind of Christ." -1 Corinthians 2:16

My challenges to you:

• How do you talk about your circumstances? Are you hopeful?
• How do you talk about the people around you? Are you encouraging?
• How do you talk about yourself? Are you valuable in your own narrative?

Aliens & Origins

I listened to a This American Life podcast episode recently titled Fermi's Paradox. The theme of the episode was "Are we alone?" and the Fermi paradox section was specifically tackling that question from an intergalactic scale. 

Taking directly from the SETI (Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) website, Fermi's paradox goes like this:

Fermi realized that any civilization with a modest amount of rocket technology and an immodest amount of imperial incentive could rapidly colonize the entire Galaxy. Within ten million years, every star system could be brought under the wing of empire. Ten million years may sound long, but in fact it's quite short compared with the age of the Galaxy, which is roughly ten thousand million years. Colonization of the Milky Way should be a quick exercise. 

So what Fermi immediately realized was that the aliens have had more than enough time to pepper the Galaxy with their presence. But looking around, he didn't see any clear indication that they're out and about. This prompted Fermi to ask what was (to him) an obvious question: "where is everybody?"

Fermi wasn't asking where in the galaxy are these aliens, he was implying that maybe they aren't out there to begin with because we would have seen them by now. Essentially, maybe we're it. As he looked at it from a mathematical point of view, it's statistically probable that they should have shown up by now.

In the This American Life episode, one of the Producers of the podcast, David Kestenbaum, was wrestling with this idea and finding it quite saddening to think that we humans might be the only intelligent lifeforms in the galaxy. Much of the podcast was devoted to David's soul-searching and trying to find someone who he could share this grief with.

What bothers me about the whole topic is that these are highly intelligent people, spending a lot of time grappling with this paradox and yet they give no consideration to the explanation of the origins of life that I believe in, and that is that God created us. If they would direct even a small amount of their brain power and honest scientific exploration towards this explanation I am convinced it would all make sense. But they simply toss that theory out the window as if it's laughable.

Case in point. Here's the only mention of God from the whole podcast:

Melissa Franklin And then you would say, OK, if that's the case, I have to believe in God. So that's what you're saying. 

David Kestenbaum How many physicists do you know who believe in God? 

Melissa Franklin Six.

The specific and small number was intended to be a punchline. After that interaction they immediately move on to talk about a New Yorker cartoon. Back to matters of greater importance, I suppose.

Let's think about Fermi's paradox here. I get the sense that this is no longer considered a rational thought but what if our planet is not billions of years old but can be measured in thousands? What if it didn't just "happen" but was the intentional act of an intelligent designer? When it comes to talks of paradoxes and the origins of life, I am perplexed that we write this option off as not even plausible anymore.

If the earth isn't billions of years old, then the whole formula behind Fermi's paradox changes. And if the stars were created by God, then there is hope. Isn't an explanation that ends well even worth exploring? It's like we're trying to find someone's contact info in our phone and yet that person is standing right next to us and we're saying "Not now. I'm busy looking for something."

In my opinion, a core flaw in this science-focused mindset is that we look at ourselves as a higher form of intelligence scrutinizing lower forms of intelligence. Science posits that we should be able to explain everything. Sure, if you create something, you have a right to scrutinize it and understand it in and out. After all, you know exactly where it came from and why. But so far I haven't seen any humans make any habitable and self-sustaining planets. So we are the students here, not the teachers. The most we can only ever hope to know is just as much as the teacher.

"A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is perfectly trained will be like his teacher." - Luke 6:40

I am not proposing, by any means, that I have the answer to Fermi's paradox, or any other paradox for that matter. I am simply bothered by the close-minded nature of our approach in exploring the answers.

If science can be defined as "systematic knowledge of the physical or material world gained through observation and experimentation" (Dictionary.com) then, for me, there is a blurry line between that and religion because what I've observed and experienced is that God is real. Just like the wind, I can sense his coming and going, anticipate his direction, and see the effects him moving all around me. Is wind also a religious belief? Can God be explained by science? Why do we put our faith in meteorologists but not pastors? Because meteorologists get stuff wrong all the time. Just sayin'...

Safety

One of my best friends went home to be with Jesus last week. Joe Riley, age 34.

Nothing can prepare you for this. Nor should you want to be prepared for it. For some crazy reason I keep thinking I should have been better prepared. But this is nothing like the other challenges I’ve faced in life. There is no “moving on” or “getting over it”. There is just a hole there. There was me before December 7th 2016 and now there’s me after December 7th 2016, with a hole.

I took a strength’s test once and it said my top talent theme, by a long shot, was “Relator”. The description of someone with this theme is:

“…you do derive a great deal of pleasure and strength from being around your close friends. You are comfortable with intimacy. Once the initial connection has been made, you deliberately encourage a deepening of the relationship. You want to understand their feelings, their goals, their fears, and their dreams; and you want them to understand yours. You know that this kind of closeness implies a certain amount of risk -- you might be taken advantage of -- but you are willing to accept that risk. For you a relationship has value only if it is genuine. And the only way to know that is to entrust yourself to the other person. The more you share with each other, the more you risk together. The more you risk together, the more each of you proves your caring is genuine. These are your steps toward real friendship, and you take them willingly.”
http://www.gallup.com/businessjournal/703/relator.aspx

This fits. I thrive on the relationships with those closest to me. Joe was one of my people. It’s hard to beat 15+ years of experiencing life together. From high school, to being in a rock band for 7 years, to being housemates, to being roommates, to being in each others’ weddings and all the milestones in-between. Not many people got me like Joe, and not many people got Joe like me. No matter how much time passed between our calls it was always like we’d just chatted yesterday. I keep having the impulse to call him to talk about all of this.

It’s difficult to summarize why Joe was so special to those who haven’t known him for years. He was the treasure you might walk by every day and not notice was there all along. He was the unexpected heartfelt comment, but only if you had the time to listen. He was the obscure idea that reminded you that being childlike is a good thing. He was the healthy conviction that came from seeing someone so self-aware and humble enough to admit where he needed to improve. He was the guy who put flowers in your car while you were proposing to your wife. He was so many things, in so many small ways that will each forever remind me of him.

The day after he passed, I found myself in a Walmart in front of a rack of themed men’s underwear, bawling. I was there because Joe and I used to do late night Walmart runs for new boxers. I can’t imagine what the other shoppers thought. Maybe “It’s not that hard of a decision”. I picked some Star Wars boxers that had a TIE Fighter chasing an X-Wing and an explosion right on the crotch, because Joe would have thought it was funny.

I once heard a friend who had also experienced loss say “It’s not helpful to ask ‘Why?’. It’s more helpful to ask ‘What’s next?’”. I think he was right. One of the only things that has eased the hurt has been to think about what’s next. There’s no changing what’s happened but I can change me. I can learn from Joe’s life and I can be more like him.

Things I’ve learned through this and through knowing Joe:

We need people.
All I wanted to do was to crawl under the covers and sort this out but you can’t sort things like this out alone. Being with people I was close to and Joe was close to helped. And it’s more than just getting through something. It’s all the time. We truly need people in our lives more than we know. You realize this when one of your closest friends isn’t around anymore.

Be intentional about your close friendships.
It’s easy to take for granted those people who have been with you for the longest amounts of time. Don’t take them for granted. To be honest, I didn’t realize how strong my friendship was with Joe until one day he asked me to be his best man. You don’t know how much you mean to people and they don’t know how much they mean to you. Joe always made sure to stay in touch with me even when he moved across the country. I need to be more like that.

Be weird.
Joe was super weird. He said weird things, wore weird things, and built weird things. He didn’t conform. I was talking to Mike, the lead guitarist from our band, and he said “Joe always had an amazing beard but as soon as he found out it was popular to have a beard he immediately shaved it off.” If I can do anything in my life to honor Joe it would be to embrace what makes me, me and make no apologies for it. I’ve already taken an inventory of a number of areas in my life where my motives were more about getting approval from society or attaining “success” than being true to myself.

Never stop improving.
In my opinion the greatest part about Joe’s story is the immense personal growth. Through many tears and laughs I was privileged enough to be witness to the process. He was always so aware of the areas that needed improvement and was working on doing something about it. And the progress showed. He ended strong. His love for God and people fueled an epic journey from a shy and removed guy to a spiritual powerhouse who knew full well the influence and authority he carried as a follower of Jesus.

The one thing my heart always longed for with Joe was that he would find love, and he most certainly did. Jeanie, you were absolutely perfect for him. I never saw him happier than when he was with you.

In the band, we nicknamed him Safety Joe, because of a french tank helmet he ended up wearing to every show. It was kind of his thing. It was kind of our thing. It started as a joke and ended up being a persona. Now, after all these years as his friend, it takes on new meaning for me. He was always there for me. He was consistent, reliable, and genuinely cared. He was my Safety. And now he is experiencing the ultimate Safety.

Enjoy paradise my friend. I miss you madly but I’m sure God had a crazy idea for a guitar that he needed your help with or something.

The Best Advice Ever

In lieu of attending my wedding on account of health reasons, my Grandpa Irwin sent me an email. In that email he wrote some words from his heart. Among those words was written some advice that I would later come to realize was the best advice I had ever gotten. They were words that would over time become etched into the very fabric of my being and shape the man I would become. Words that I would one day share with my children. Words that I would echo to so many others that I've crossed paths with and that they would eventually repeat back to me in the form of super convicting advice. But before I can tell you the advice you must first better understand the man behind the words.

Meet William Dutton. I know, I said it was my Grandpa Irwin who gave me the advice. It's the same guy. He was adopted. William, or Bill as he went by, was not exactly the most well-behaved kid growing up. His dad had left and his mom was struggling to raise him. At age 15 he was about to get thrown into reform school as a ward of the state but, as fate would have it, a merciful sheriff instead choose to give him a second chance and put him up for adoption. It was then that Bill was adopted by the Irwin's, hence the last name change. Three formative years would pass under their care before Bill enlisted in the service at age 18.

Out of the service, Bill quickly found work at IBM, learned how to program, and started his own data processing company called Midwest Data Control. This was when computers took up a whole room. He would go on to sell that company and jump between a handful of high profile positions in the budding industry of Computing Systems.

At some point during that career Bill tried his hand at higher education, majoring in poker and minoring in Pre-Med. He made it through 3 years Nursing school and may not have come out of it with a degree but did come out having found the love of his live, Marlene.

It is said that Bill would have parted the seas for Marlene. When I asked my mom and aunt what Bill and Marlene were like, it was as if I'd just reminded them of the fondest of all memories. Their eyes lit up and smiles began to take shape. I was quickly bombarded with a slew of stories that might as well have come out of some great novel or a fairy tale. Stories like how one time my Grandpa, out of an adrenaline rush of compassion, lifted a tractor off of a man who was pinned against a barn. Stories about how my Grandma once bolted out of the house to tend to some kids who had just crashed their car while hot-rodding down their street. The one theme that seemed consistent throughout was their extravagant love for each other and the people around them.

In the early 70s, Marlene was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Being a nurse, she had actually self-diagnosed herself in 1965 but doctors hadn't figured out how to officially diagnose it at that point. By the early 80s she was no longer able to get around. Bill made a decision to always care for her under his own roof as long as she had her mental faculties. And she never did lose her mind. In fact, quite the opposite. She was always happy. The nurses couldn't believe her temperament. People actually mistook her happiness for being heavily medicated.

My only memories of Grandma Irwin were seeing her in her hospital bed, smiling, in the back room of their Seward, Nebraska house with her two birds keeping her company. I remember her bed was situated in a room just off the kitchen which meant, with my Grandpa being an amazing cook, she had a front row sniff to every meal. The only problem was that she had to eat through a feeding tube and couldn't actually partake of the meals. Her response when asked about this dilemma? "It never really bothered me." Of course she would say that.

For years my Grandpa cared for her, bathed her, tended to her medical needs, and kept her company all by himself. He even deliberately moved himself and Grandma to Utah, further away from his kids, because he didn't want her care to be a burden to anyone except himself.

Marlene passed away on January 29, 1995 due to complications from a surgery. My Grandpa took care of her all those years by himself. This is the kind of love he was capable of. A sacrificial love that knew no limits and would do it all over again if given the chance.

So, now that you better understand the kind of man my Grandpa was, the advice he emailed me leading up to my wedding will make more sense. With out further ado, I give you the best advice I've ever be given:

"It's not as important to be right as it is to be loving and understanding at all times."

There you have it. Simple yet deeply profound and difficult to live out. I've learned that I mustn't let my concern about being right outweigh the relationships I have with the people around me. As much as I want to defend my point of view and prove I am right, it doesn't actually matter as much as having an authentic human connection with someone and understanding their point of view. They're more likely to come around to your way of thinking if they don't have their guard up anyways. This applies to my relationship with my wife, my children, my co-workers, my family, friends, acquaintances, even strangers. What good is there in winning an argument if in the process you lose the person? It's better to be falsely accused of being wrong and reconcile your relationships than to lash out and lay claim to empty satisfaction.

My Grandpa actually passed away three months before my wedding in 2005. At his memorial service, I brought with me a print out of the email where he wrote this advice and, through blurred vision, read those words once again to a room filled with his close friends and loved ones. That group of people, who were privileged enough to know Grandpa Irwin, knew better than any the truth behind the wisdom.

You're Not Alone

It's a lie to believe that you're the only one going through something. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man" (NKJV). The New Living Translations puts it "The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience."

Just let that sink in. We think our struggles are so unique and that no one could possibly understand what we're going through. They aren't. And they do.

See isolation is the enemy's tactic. If he can get you alone you become an easy target, or at least you're no longer threat to his cause. Lions when they are hunting will wait for the wounded and weak to separate from the pack before they strike. It's not in our design to be alone. God pretty much flat out said it from the get-go "It is not good for man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18).

Even statistically there is a high chance that the people you're around every day are dealing with something similar. I started to look up some of these statistics out of curiosity but had to stop because it was actually quite the downer. It's crazy how common these things are.

In the US: 

• 1 in 12 adults suffer from alcohol abuse 
• 1 in 10 suffer from depression 
• 1 in 10 college-age women suffer from a clinical eating disorder 
• 1 in 2 children will witness the divorce of their parents 
• 6 in 10 Christian males regularly view pornography 

It is easy to keep your problems to yourself isn't it? It's hard to let someone know, like really know, what you're dealing with. That's because shame is a powerful force to reckon with. In fact, it's been at work ever since the very first sin. What did Adam and Eve do as soon as they had eaten the fruit from the Tree of Life? They suddenly realized they were naked and hid. It's one thing to know you've done something wrong and be embarrassed about it but it's another to let shame creep in. Embarrassment says "I did something wrong" but shame says "I am something wrong". That's the danger with shame. It starts to take over who you are and shape your identity around a lie.

1 Corinthians 10:13 actually has a bit more to it that I didn't mention earlier. Here's the full verse: "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."

God is faithful and will make a way of escape. You have an out. When you're falling into the trap, look for help.

I apologize in advance here for my nerdiness but it's like that scene on Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope when Luke, Han, Chewbacca and Leia are stuck in the trash compactor. Luke is being attacked and drug under all the garbage by a tentacled creature called a dianoga and, to make matters worse, the walls start closing in. Luke calls out to C-3PO for help and just before they are crushed R2-D2 turns the compactor off and opens the door.

When you are facing an impossible task call out to the person who eats the impossible for breakfast. He is faithful to make a way of escape.

For some of us, the escape isn't hard to find. There's bright red neon EXIT sign in plain view but it's like each time you walk through that exit you end up back in the very same room, like some kind of sick cosmic joke. As such, we've grown accustomed to our dark room. Psalm 18:19 says "He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me." Grab a hold of that truth and you try the exit again.

There is no temptation that is too great for our Lord to overcome. In fact, did you know that he already did? The bible says that Jesus endured every temptation we've had to face and was able to overcome.. Hebrews 4:15 "For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin." He's proven he can handle it. He's gotten into the ring and earned the championship belt. Tag in the reigning champ on the fights we can't handle and stick to the ones we can.